We at Clampynews haven’t posted anything recently, but not without a reason!
We went to an area that nobody has heard about, maybe most never will.
But that’s exactly why we had to be there, to spit greed into it’s face by shining the light onto the dark shadows that want to stay hidden!
Disclaimer: By dark shadows, we do not by any means refer to clams or oysters.
This furious fight needs to be documented!
CORPORATE GREED
The story begins in a small rural area of smeepsvil. For some reason, there have always been just a tiny bit more peepys in that area than in any other area of the world.
– Science or something has proven that there are 0.05% more peepys in that area
At some point Homework Company found some common earth earthy minerals in the earth which resided in smeepsvil.
Homework Company therefore decided to put up industry in smeepsvil.
Everything was dandy until…
One peepy, presumably from the local town smeepsvil, decided to sneak into the industrial area of Homework Company.
That peepy was hidden really well (not as good as a clam can hide, but this peepy did a good job. Follow Clampynews for tips on hiding successfully!).
At some point that peepy was discovered however because, we assume, he made a fatal mistake of stealing someone’s keys with them noticing!
The security of the company did not like this and they locked up the peepy. He never returned to town and other peepys got curious.
We interviewed one of the local peepys that have been there from the very start.
Local peepy says:
…
After that very short interview that peepy stole our pants without us realizing.
That told us everything we needed to know.
Once the local peepys found out about the state of the peepy that snuck into the industrial area, they got furious!
We managed to sneak out a picture:
The local peepys tried to free their not-friend-maybe-accomplice, the security of the company reacted with VIOLENCE.
We all know a thing or two about peepy, but needlessly to say, the peepys reacted with MORE VIOLENCE.
The company started to build up their defenses in response to the peepys response.
They had almost everything to protect their common earth earthy minerals in the earth.
They installed czech hedgehogs, placed mines, build a wall and even put up effigies to deter peepys from attacking.
Did we say effigies? Yes… The company is as greedy as it is gruesome. It captured peepys and didn’t hesitate to put it through a hydraulic press and what comes out they put up as effigies.
All that the peepys could do was, go in with a large number and their secret little dirty tricks.
They climbed over walls, but the company reacted with FIRE.
They tried to dig tunnels, but the company reacted with trebuchets????
One of the peepys managed to sneak in and poop on their property! That was a big victory for the peepys.
Until today this fight is still going on, we hope that our coverage will provide enough (something that helps) to finally stop this madness and the corporates greed.
Until that faithful day comes along, we will leave our best cla- real human person in the field to keep reporting on the atrocities.
clamp
What a brave Clampy. I tip my hat and say a proud: CLAMP
Ö äGreeé
I’m a Smeepsvil resident and not only have I not been informed about this going on in my literal backyard but to add insult to injury I have also been payed off by the company to lie about it! Outrageous!
You don’t even live in central Smeepsvil! I’ve seen you go shopping in Outer-South-Smeepton at least one and a half times!
I like it when the Peepy was poopin.
Smeepsvil is a lost cause. Ever since CORPORATION has set up there you can’t even get an authentic Smeepsvil-Smeepo-HotBun-SauceDog anymore. It’s that damn gentrification. They call it Smeepsvil-Smeepo-SauceDog with HitBun now and I don’t like it!
That Hydraulic press was savage. If YOU would like to buy a hydraulic press though, get in touch! I’ve got a slightly used, barely-been-in-a-warzone one. I found it. Somwhere other than in Smeepsvil!
Now fellas ye shouldve built this wall outa Zoink, if you want a sturdy wall. Nothin beats a wall-o-zoink, ya hear?
I agree. We at the Church of Saint Wupchert (North) have used walls made out of Zoink to protect us from the heretic loonies from the Church of Saint Wupchert (South) for over half a week now and so far it has gone mostly ok!
Stop setting fire to the ANDREAS!! Leave the ANDREAS alone! You’ve burnt our faores1s5rts. You’ve s58a1 our seass, what is g152 on next?!2 All our bases d14o not bel23long to67 y! Our ANDREAS supply will ru1n5 sho783rt by 2030! Glarb tasr yhnst1079!
Hello Little-Girl Turnmountain!
As a representative of the local Andreas-watch I would like to assure you that we at the local Andreas-watch take this problem very seriously. So seriously in fact, we’ve started watching a little harder!
Hello KINGFISHER BIRD WITH A SMALL BUT VERY ELABORATE BOWTIE,
we weren’t aware of the “Andreas-watch”, we are curious to learn more.
Are you interested in giving us an interview about yourself and the “Andreas-watch”?
Would you be ok with this interview potentially, it may or may not, be published on clampynews?
Kind regards,
Not Clampy CEO, COO, Head and council leader of the award challenging clampynews.
Ps.: You have a very nice small but very elaborate bowtie, we are thinking of bringing a Fashion category to clampynews. What other Bowtie types do you posses?
Kind regards,
Not Clampy CEO, COO, Head and council leader of the award challenging clampynews.
1st
I’m glad this whole unsavory business finally comes to light. I was never a big fan of Peepies but I certainly hate the homework company more. They are responsible for over 27,3% of homework world-wide.
Dear Clampynews,
I have come across certain information. Certain SENSITIVE information. Certain information that might blow this whole case wide open! It’s so sensitive that I’m not sure I should be talking about it in this comment section. Meet meet three replies deep in this threat and we can discuss how the whistle should be blown. And it will be blown. So loud it will be blown it’ll make the big guys shudder. Oh yeah. Those guys.
WHATS THE ADRESS ADDRESS ? MY SON IS VERY SENSITIVE
I believe the correct word is “adreeass”. With a lowercase “a”. Not to be confused with “Andreas” with an uppercase “A”
Alright, glad you could make it down here. I believe he Homework Company set this whole thing up in the first place. If you look very, very closely, you’ll see that the imprisoned Peepy was clearly trying to get his fellow Peepies to invade. Like, why would they even be in prison and not out on bail!