Here are 7 ways to hide. Approved by a real human. With enough practice you can hide practically anything from anyone! clamp
Category: Crimes
BREAKING: A Claim(p) and a rescue!
We at Clampynews haven’t posted anything recently, but not without a reason!We went to an area that nobody has heard about, maybe most never will.But that’s exactly why we had to be there, to spit greed into it’s face by shining the light onto the dark shadows that want to stay hidden! Disclaimer: By dark […]
HISTORY: Unclamping the truth about fire!
Everybody knows fire, but is it really real?NO! We figured out that fire is not a real thing! Some people at some point invented fire and that’s how we all know about it. Here is the origin story:At some point freezerburnpy was discovered by some humans. They figured that freezerburn is a funny and hurtful […]
BREAKING: Attempted cutlery
A new cult has caught the attention of the world. They are trying to bring “manners” to the dining table.Odly enough, nobody really knows for how long this cult existed already OR why they are putting in so much money into researching chickenwings for which you don’t need to use your hands to eat. We […]
LIFE: The great clampscape
Everyone finds themselves stuck in a car they tried to steal at least three times in their lifes.Usually in this situation everyone encounters the same problem: Not getting out. Here are a few tips on escaping a car you are lockedin: clamp
PEEPY: Peepy was here
Hand over your human money and put them in my bag! I am literally holding a dangerous weapon and if you are not careful I will become very disrespectful! As proof here is a picture of the weapon! After I am gone donate some penuts to peepy… or else I will steal insurance! Signed: PeepyTo […]
BREAKING: Clamping the other way?
Is a LGBTQ+ itemlabel prisoner coming??? What does that mean? Evidence of something spotted!!!!!!!!! Local Nita says Be gay, do crimes! and then runs off dual wielding some coffee.We hope this answers all your questions, thank you. clamp
SPORTS: AXOLOTLPY, TIGERPY or THICC BRUNGUS
WHICH ONE IS THE MONEYMAKER AND WHO IS THE HOMEWORK EATER??? If you watch over one or more itemlabel prisoner it is important to learn their hierarchy.This is done best by matching them in a 1 vs 1 match! We recommend to put up the brackets like this. Recommended rules: After you determined the winner […]
ECONOMY: Mark Schmuckerhill guessed incorrectly!
Guessed what incorrectly?! Well if you are a big homework eater you would realize that this is a economy article! If you have a Short Interest in Stocks and in their Black Swans you should be reading this. Some Market Correction was done and the Bottom Fishing is over now and the results show! Just […]
ECONOMY: Watch out for knock offs
It came to the internets attention, that the breakthrough adopt a criminal company, also under the name as itemlabel, has reached enough fame to have it’s own knockoff from a certain company. This is BIG news since a certain company is not only spreading more criminals into the world but a certain company is also […]