Dating back hundreds of years (maybe even thousands) clams roamed the earth more ferociously than today.During these times, everything was about “eat or be eaten”. Violence was the rule everyone lived by. You might think that clams were always the same as they are nowadays.Recent research however shows a significant change in their body structure.At […]
Author: Not Clampy
BREAKING: A Claim(p) and a rescue!
We at Clampynews haven’t posted anything recently, but not without a reason!We went to an area that nobody has heard about, maybe most never will.But that’s exactly why we had to be there, to spit greed into it’s face by shining the light onto the dark shadows that want to stay hidden! Disclaimer: By dark […]
HISTORY: Unclamping the truth about fire!
Everybody knows fire, but is it really real?NO! We figured out that fire is not a real thing! Some people at some point invented fire and that’s how we all know about it. Here is the origin story:At some point freezerburnpy was discovered by some humans. They figured that freezerburn is a funny and hurtful […]
BREAKING: Attempted cutlery
A new cult has caught the attention of the world. They are trying to bring “manners” to the dining table.Odly enough, nobody really knows for how long this cult existed already OR why they are putting in so much money into researching chickenwings for which you don’t need to use your hands to eat. We […]
SCIENCE: Are apples and pears the same?
Figure out the anwser to everyones favorite question in this article!
LIFE: The great clampscape
Everyone finds themselves stuck in a car they tried to steal at least three times in their lifes.Usually in this situation everyone encounters the same problem: Not getting out. Here are a few tips on escaping a car you are lockedin: clamp
TECHNOLOGY: Moving forward with style (and clampy)
Recently clampynews was invited to the tech convention for future technology and we’ve been introduced to the latest, not even released, new propulsion systems! It moves better, faster and it moves! We couldn’t believe our eyes! Naturally it raised one question: Will it enable clampys to move better outside of the water? On which we […]
PEEPY: Peepy was here
Hand over your human money and put them in my bag! I am literally holding a dangerous weapon and if you are not careful I will become very disrespectful! As proof here is a picture of the weapon! After I am gone donate some penuts to peepy… or else I will steal insurance! Signed: PeepyTo […]
BREAKING: Clamping the other way?
Is a LGBTQ+ itemlabel prisoner coming??? What does that mean? Evidence of something spotted!!!!!!!!! Local Nita says Be gay, do crimes! and then runs off dual wielding some coffee.We hope this answers all your questions, thank you. clamp